The Love Song | a ballad of November

For my two Dearest Loves...

This month we'll look back on three crazy years and give praise again for everything He's brought us through. Our lives changed forever that late November night. We knew we had stumbled into deep waters... we knew Jesus was the only way to survive... but it's amazing to me now, looking back, the exact depth and width and enormity of all that was really going to happen.

I've done a lot of walking and praying-- through muddy corn fields, knee-high snow, pastures with birdsong and new growth all around-- over and over, throughout the changing seasons. Looking to God... being taken apart and rebuilt again, surrendering to Him all over, so many times.

Not my plan, not my will, Lord... but yours be done. I trust You.

So much letting go.

Letting go of Me.

Letting go of my life.

My fears.

Believing He was holding me.

And letting go of you, Zachary. And any control I might reserve for myself over what was going to happen.

The commitment to wait was graced and gifted with God's peace-- it is the only way we ever could have done anything. To chase after You, Lord, is not a quest You let us undertake unequipped. You provide generously-- all the strength and joy and patience we need to endure.

Zachary, I cannot thank you enough for being the man you were, willing to let go and become the man He wanted you to be. The man you are today is amazing to me, and you're still changing.

Thank you for putting your hope in Him.

And most of all, thank you for stepping aside and pointing me to Jesus. Thank you for that selfless act that made Love true.

Lord, You overwhelm me with all You've designed, how I see it now falling into place. Your ways are unsearchable, and Your promises true. You are so wise and so good, and your plans so much greater than I could ever conjure up for myself. Without You, I'd have missed one of my life's greatest blessings... Thank You for Zachary Scott.

I knew true Love was not easy, and that it would hurt. I was so afraid of failing. And falling.

But I have come to know two Great Loves, one the sun, the other the moon: one shining glorious warmth and joy into my heart and life, redeeming me; the other a precious reflection of that light, and earthly example to me of the heavenly realms.

I have learned a lot in this journey to True Love... and I look forward to the enormous amount I have yet to attain.

Father, I had to learn of Your Love first.

I discovered Your wondrous Love for me, amidst chaos and uproar. You were my only option for peace and guidance. As soon as I took hold of You, I was shown the truth: that Your were all I really needed. I'm glad for the struggles, I'm grateful for the hardships-- I never would have appreciated You fully without them. I just Love the thought of You ruining Satan's plans, of the way You were able to use His darts for my good, once I surrendered to You.

You caught me up in Your arms. You taught me Love. You took away my fear, and You led me into Love with You. I was a cup overflowing, and I was learning to share what You had given me. To spread it.

There was a revolution in my Heart. A paradigm shift in my mind of how I saw You. When I found out who You really were, and how You cared for me, it changed the course of my life forever.

I always knew that marriage on this earth was created to be a reflection of the Believers' unity with You, that marriage was a sort of trinity, Man and Woman bound with God, just as You are a trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Before I entered any sort of earthly relationship, I truly wanted to have the right focus and the right direction. Thank You so much for giving me the opportunity to prepare, and for sweeping me away in a fashion I never could have imagined You would.

The greatest epiphany a person can reach is recognizing that HE Loves us. First. His Love is an unconditional choice. He doesn't Love us only once we choose Him. He Loves us first.

Often, people run from Love, from commitment.

Because of Fear-- fear springing from past experience.

Fear of being let down again. Used again. Hurt again. Rejected and discarded.

Because they dared to reach out and Love first once before, and they were betrayed.

But you see, God doesn't fear to Love us. Even though He knows that so many of us will turn away. He still dares to Love... to reach out, to even die for us. Despite the fact that He'll be ignored, despised, and betrayed. Even, on occasion, by those who do in fact love Him back.

When a person realizes that You, Father, Love them first, and that You always will... they can't help but fall in Love with You. Because there is nothing to fear. Not anymore. Your perfect Love casts out fear.

We Love Him, because He first Loved us.

God, the same went for me.

I'd been raised a Christian... but it wasn't until I was 14 that my understanding of Who You really were exploded. That's when my relationship with You became my own... and it's been quite the journey ever since. (Another story for another time. :) )

And down here on this earth? Amidst all this beautiful chaos?

A reflection was stirring.

When did I finally choose to Love you, Zachary?

When I couldn't help it anymore. When I knew beyond a doubt that you Loved me. And you had dared to Love me first.

You had proven too many times that your Love was real. You didn't pack up and leave when it was clear that your affections could not be reciprocated. You waited for me, when I told you not to. You Loved me even in my fickleness, my doubt, and my {unintentional} hurt of you.

I remember my heart crashing into a wall when I realized what I was doing. What I was rejecting. What I was letting fear barricade from my life.

Zachary, you were no where near being Jesus. ;) But God used you as a prominent vessel for His voice into my life in those days. You actively encouraged me and pushed me to build my life more closely upon God's promises. I saw so many traits of Christ embodied in your actions... And gradually, as I had thrown aside fear for Him and accepted His Love... I knew I could do the same with you.

And honestly I don't remember when I crossed that line in my heart and finally Loved you. But sometimes, Love just comes softly. And Love, in our human capacity for it, is built. Love is a choice, it is action, it is sacrifice, it requires change and growth because it cannot just sit comfortably still and expect to flourish... Love is hard. And Love is so worth it.

Lord God, I cannot thank You enough for the life You have given me. I know much will be asked, and I pray for Your guidance and strength to answer the call and follow wholeheartedly after You. No matter what the obstacles and trials in life. I praise You for the wondrous work You have going in me, and for the fact that You will see it through to completion.

And tonight I praise You for the work You have done in the man I have the privilege to call my Best Friend. Thank You, praise You, bless You! --for Your mighty Love which flows over and sweeps us away. May we only grow closer to You Lord, and in so doing, grow closer to one another.

You are the Song that we sing, and may it be a Love Song to You.

In Jesus' Name. Amen.