Journal | thankful, grateful, blessed

I don't think I've ever been at a point in life before where my blessings were as obvious as they are to me now.

I've always been able to look around and count them off:

--roof over my head
--food to eat
--family to love
--friends who care

Going through the motions, taking that one day a year to pause and dwell briefly on the "little things" I guiltily was aware that I took for granted... but didn't everybody? And we did our part to stop and allow ourselves guilt about it for that one designated moment on that one designated day. Then we had been humbled adequately, and life went on.

But when your whole life gets turned up-side-down and shaken... things do change.
There came an actual point in time where I very well was not guaranteed the "little things" (that are actually huge things). There was a point where everything got questioned.

--home
--security
--family to love me
--friends who cared

And all that was certain was God.
I am so grateful for His help, for protecting me-- and my family-- through so many circumstances. From age 0 to age 18, He's never failed. And I'm still here! Praise God.

In addition to the little-huge things, there are blessings beyond the necessities-- He got me my GED and guided me through the SATs... He's provided me with the ability to go to college-- at no cost to me. He gave me the most amazing job this past summer where I met people and did things that I know have impacted my life forever, (and things just fell directly into place for all of that, when the process of meeting requirements looked so complicated!) He helped me pass the road test, gave me my license-- He even gave me a car! Family closer than ever, friends that I can trust with my life, a blessed relationship, my HOME, and always His peace, His guidance, and His protection.

I could go on forever.

But Lord?

You also give me the sunrise. You give me the full moon in October.
The birds that sing in the morning, the woods to walk through, the stream that babbles.
The leaves that turn colors, the frost that beautifies the window glass, the fog that blankets the morning air.

The work to do that keeps the home cozy and clean, the wood that heats our water, the cows to milk that sustain us. The young chickens that lay eggs in abundance, the kittens to snuggle.

The dishes because it means we have food, the laundry because it means we have clothes to wear, the clutter because it means we have even more than we need.

I'm grateful for the hard lessons.
The difficult times because they make me appreciate the good ones.
The truths that I might not want to hear sometimes, but definitely need to. I'm thankful for those who have the courage to speak them, who care enough to put my spiritual well-being above my comfort.

I'm thankful for being able to see when I mess up, to be able to identify when I'm doing something wrong or even thinking with a wrong perspective-- and also for those who help me see when I just don't. I'm so thankful for new mercies each day, and for the constant offer of grace, the opportunity at any given moment to change for the better and to grow.

I'm thankful for hindsight. Being able to look back and be in awe of all that's come to pass, and all I've miraculously been carried through. Seeing how much I've changed, and those around me have changed. And it reinforces my trust in God, knowing that there is more to come, that it is worth it, and that it will be more than alright with Him leading.

Change hurts sometimes. But strangely, I love changing.
Because I Love Him, and His ways are higher than mine.

Lord, the two little words sound so inadequate... but Thank You.
Help me to live a life of thankfulness, help me to keep the right perspective, to breathe gratitude, and to give away what You have given me. How amazing that this is one of the only things You have asked of me!

Help me to be appreciative-- I know I fail.
But I know how BEAUTIFUL life suddenly becomes when someone is living with a heart that is simply in awe of Your wonders and overwhelmed with gratitude. I want to live like that.

You are Awesome. So Awesome.

(And also... thank you for coffee. )